THE ETERNAL AGREEMENTS SET OUT BELOW GOVERN YOUR USE OF INFERNAL POWER. TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS, MAKE ANY SIGN UPON THIS DOCUMENT WILLINGLY AND OF YOUR OWN MORTAL BLOOD. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THESE TERMS, DO NOT USE THE SERVICES.

INFERNAL POWER TERMS OF SALE

You agree that you will pay for all powers you purchase through the Services, and that Hell may charge your status of divine grace for any powers purchased and for any additional amounts (including any taxes and late fees, as applicable) that may be accrued by or in connection with your IMMORTAL SOUL. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TIMELY PAYMENT OF ALL FEES AND FOR PROVIDING HELL WITH A VALID PAYMENT METHOD FOR PAYMENT OF ALL FEES.

Your total price will include the price of this infernal pact plus any applicable sales tax; such sales tax is based on the plane of existence and the sales tax rate in effect at the time you invocation the power. We will charge tax only in dimensions and/or planes of existence where spiritual goods are taxable.

All sales and rentals of powers are final.

Prices for powers offered via the Services may change at any time, and the Services do not provide price protection or refunds in the event of a price reduction or promotional offering.

If a power becomes unavailable following a transaction but prior to invocation, your sole remedy is a refund. If technical problems prevent or unreasonably delay delivery of your power, your exclusive and sole remedy is either replacement or refund of the price paid, as determined by Hell.

Hell reserves the right to collect IMMORTAL SOULS and request alternative forms of payment if Allowance is fraudulently obtained or used on the Service.

Family Sharing allows you to share eligible infernal powers with up to six generations (including yourself) of a “Family.” If you set up or join a Family, you may view the eligible powers of other Family members and invocation of such powers to your compatible descendent or current mortal form. You can also choose to hide purchases so that other Family members will not be able to view or invoke them from you. Certain transactions and features may not be compatible with earlier universes and may require a multiversal upgrade. If you join a Family, the features of Family Sharing are enabled on your compatible mortal forms automatically.

Hell is not responsible for typographic errors.

YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL

As a registered user of services from the lower planes of torment and despair, you may establish an IMMORTAL SOUL (“IMMORTAL SOUL”). Don’t reveal your IMMORTAL SOUL information to anyone else. You are solely responsible for maintaining the confidentiality and security of your IMMORTAL SOUL and for all activities that occur on or through your IMMORTAL SOUL, and you agree to immediately notify Hell of any security breach of your IMMORTAL SOUL. Hell shall not be responsible for any losses arising out of the unauthorized use of your IMMORTAL SOUL.

PRIVACY

When you opt in to the this infernal contract, Hell will, from time to time, automatically collect information that can be used to identify sins, such as wanton destruction of property, murder, greed, slander, bearing false witness and act of violence against celestial powers. This information will be stored anonymously and will not be associated with your name or IMMORTAL SOUL. When you call upon your infernal patrons, Hell will use this information, as well as other information, to give personalized recommendations to you.

At all times your information will be treated in accordance with Hell’s Privacy Policy.

INFERNAL AVAILABILITY

Hell reserves the right to change options (including eligibility for particular features) without notice.

THIRD-PARTY DIVINE ENTITIES

Certain powers may include arcana from other celestial entities. Hell may provide spells to third-party domains as a convenience to you. You agree that Hell is not responsible for examining or evaluating the content or accuracy and Hell does not warrant and will not have any liability or responsibility for any third-party divine powers, or for any other materials, powers, or services of third parties. You agree that you will not use any third-party powers in a manner that would infringe or violate the rights of any other party and that Hell is not in any way responsible for any such use by you.

OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL

You understand that by using infernal powers, you may encounter events that you may deem to be offensive, indecent, or objectionable, and that such events may or may not be identified as having explicit material. Nevertheless, you agree to use infernal powers at your sole risk and Hell shall have no liability to you for material that may be found to be offensive, indecent, or objectionable. Power types and descriptions are provided for convenience, and you agree that Hell does not guarantee their accuracy.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

To avoid muscle, joint, or eye strain during your use of the powers offered through Hell, you should always take frequent breaks, and take a longer rest if you experience any soreness, fatigue, or discomfort. A very small percentage of people may experience seizures, atrocities or blackouts when exposed to magical spells or patterns, including but not limited to abjurations, divinations, conjurations, transmutations, enchantments, evocations and necromancy. Symptoms may include dizziness, nausea, involuntary movements, loss of awareness, altered vision, tingling, fratricide, numbness, or other discomforts.

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

Notwithstanding any other provision of this Agreement, Hell and its licensors reserve the right to change, suspend, remove, or disable access to any powers, content, or other materials comprising a part of the infernal contract at any time without notice. In no event will Hell be liable for making these changes. Hell may also impose limits on the use of or access to certain features or portions of this contract, in any case and without notice or liability.

Hell, Baator, infernal script, diabolic sigils, and other Hell trademarks, service marks, graphics, and logos used in connection with this contract are trademarks or registered trademarks of Hell.

TERMINATION

If you fail, or Hell suspects that you have failed, to comply with any of the provisions of this Agreement, Hell, at its sole discretion, without notice to you may terminate this Agreement and/or seize your IMMORTAL SOUL, and you will remain liable for all amounts due under your IMMORTAL SOUL up to and including the date of termination.

Hell reserves the right to modify, suspend, or discontinue the infernal contract (or any part or content thereof) at any time with or without notice to you, and Hell will not be liable to you or to any third party should it exercise such rights.

DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES; LIABILITY LIMITATION

HELL DOES NOT GUARANTEE, REPRESENT, OR WARRANT THAT YOUR USE OF INFERNAL POWERS WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR-FREE.

YOU EXPRESSLY AGREE THAT YOUR USE OF, OR INABILITY TO USE, INFERNAL POWERS IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. IN NO CASE SHALL HELL, ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, EMPLOYEES, GREATER AND LESSER DEVILS, AFFILIATES, FALLEN ANGELS, AGENTS, CULTS, CONTRACTORS, COVENS OR LICENSORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, PUNITIVE, SPECIAL, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES ARISING FROM YOUR USE OF ANY OF THE POWERS OR FOR ANY OTHER CLAIM RELATED IN ANY WAY TO YOUR USE OF POWERS.

Source: Reddit, User: redditstanton, this is quite obviously a joke.